• The Uncertainty We Live Through When Building a Family

    Building a family can be difficult and catch individuals and couples by surprise with the ups and downs it may bring. Finally, you’ve found the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I know it took me forever to find that person, and it was not pretty. I’m sure many of you can relate to how hard it is getting it right in the dating world.

    Now that you have your other half and have done everything to prepare your career, your finances, your relationship, and checked all the boxes you felt necessary before trying for your baby. You are finally ready, but it is just not happening, or maybe you’ve had one or more losses.

    It feels as if everyone around you is getting pregnant except you. Like the friend who got pregnant, and she wasn’t even trying. Maybe you are under constant pressure by being asked by family or friends when you will try for a baby, not knowing that you just suffered a miscarriage.

    You are in a tough place that many find themselves in. You’re genuinely happy for that person and their pregnancy while still devastated that it hasn’t happened for you. Feelings of anxiousness, depression, and being overwhelmed about why things are just so hard for you is how you may be feeling. It’s not easy to face others daily because of how painful it feels.

    I know this because I experienced it myself. I felt that I was always functioning on the outside, but so sad deep inside. It was hard to be happy when the one thing I wanted so badly…..I could not have. Being surrounded by people who did not have any problems conceiving always made me feel as if I were alone. But I was not alone. I had to look for and depend on the right support for me. I want you to consider finding that support for yourself. It could be family, friends, or professional help. Even consider a support group, which is also valuable. You do not have to keep these feelings inside.I now spend my time with people who look to a therapist for support. I am a therapist who took my struggles and am helping others through their difficult times.

    Many do not expect that getting pregnant will be difficult. But according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/infertility.htm), 12.7% of women ages 15 to 49 have used infertility services.

    What’s clear to me is that we do not talk about the struggles enough. This is actually why I sat down and wrote this article. I’m glad you found it and my blog and that you are here.

    You are not alone and do not have to keep these feelings locked inside. This is only the beginning, but this article is to encourage you to find the support you need to keep moving forward every day. I know that you’ve heard that self-care is the most important thing you can do for yourself right now, and it’s true.

    Your journey will continue to feel uncertain, but your support system and self-care during this time are things you can control. Find a friend, family member, or therapist to share the ups and downs you are feeling. Take care of yourself through proper diet, sleep, and exercise. Your body and mental health are essential to overcoming your obstacles.

    Know that it’s perfectly normal to envy the family in the line in front of you at the grocery. One day, that will be you. It’s hard to believe that now, but it’s true. When we finally cross the finish line of our struggles, we rarely look back because of how painful it is. Trying to conceive can be a roller coaster ride every month. But I want you to know that many couples figure it out. They make decisions every day that work for their family and circumstances. I won’t lie to you…..it may challenge you in many unexpected ways. No journey is the same. You have to define what works for you and your circumstances. There is so much out of your control, and you have to stay focused on your dream and manage the things that are within your control.

    This journey can be painful with depressed feelings, crying, and anxiousness that sometimes come along with the struggle to have a family. Not everyone understands what you are going through, but many do. Find someone who does.

    Having the right support system is vital for being emotionally equipped for the ups and downs you may face. If you feel alone, there is help. You do not have to face your journey in isolation.

     

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